I was supposed to go out last night to celebrate Josh's cousins girlfriends birthday. I was so excited all morning!! in my recliner I thought about what outfit I would wear, what shoes I would wear, even what jacket. Then I went when I did my physical therapy in the basement and behold crash. I passed out several times in a row which made me feel like complete shit for the rest of the day. My dad was here and Josh was here and they both witnessed The entire debacle. It's so e

I am finally over my sadness. I spent monday in the ER, sick with teh weirdest headache ever. it felt like a lightening bolt was going through the right side of my head. It was horrible. They did an MRI and gave me meds and told me I was not going to die...so I left. LOL. I came home and slept for 14 hours....Josh even tried to wake me up but I was completely dead to the world...Needless to say when I woke up my headache was gone. Thank GOD! Today is thanksgiving and so

Its been over 6 weeks since I had the ischemic colitis, and the Cdiff, so WHY DOES IT STILL HURT? is this life? Must I just accept that this is how my body is supposed to feel? I do not want to think that. Pain is a crazy thing. It can make you go insane. mix that with passing out and feeling exhausted all day long I am at my breaking point. I know I shouldnt complain. I am alive. I dont have cancer. I am loved. BUT DAMMIT somedays i realize, MY LIFE SUCKS. Ill shake it

#dogs

Today my nephew turned three months old. I've seen him twice. I can't drive. Trying hard not to place blame but I'm pretty upset. It's hard and hurt my feelings. I understand everybody's busy. But the fact that I feel sometimes like I don't even exist- it's pretty hard. Handling that and other emotions today. blah. #emotional

I'm sitting here writing my bike and I am fatigued. Oh my gosh I don't know if I can keep peddling but I keep making it round by round. Joshua is at the auction right now looking for our new vehicle. I'm so tired oh my gosh I just want to crawl back in bed. I have physical therapy for my hip at 2:30 today so unfortunately I need to stay awake. I woke up battling a terrible migraine took some anti-inflammatory medicine and it got better. I was desperate. Other than that there'

I spent the morning at the immunologist. That was exciting. Honestly though the Dr. had a lot of interesting things to say and insight into my blood test records. She took about 16 viles of blood and ordered a bunch more tests so next appointment I will have answers I hope. She explained it really well to me in terms of what the immune system does, and basically what mine does not do. She analogized that the immune system is like the foundation of a house, if the foundati

I had a real rough three days. Filled with passing out and laying lifeless in my recliner...usually with a 70lb black lab on top of me and my heated blanket. I over did it the last few weeks, I pushed myself too hard and now Im Paying for it. I always tell myself "mind over matter" I push myself through to make my life as normal as possible, I try desperately to be somewhat ok for my Joshua. Well. Crash, burn, bang. I struggle. Today while peddling my bike I realized I spen

Yesterday was a big day around here. I was literally moving all day long. I woke up at 5am, wide awake. I cleaned the house, polished the floors, even cleaned the upholstery, and made 3 desserts. By 3pm I had set out 4 different dips, 3 types of chips, 2 types of crackers and sent the dogs across the street. The doggies hadn’t even settled in across the street by the time the film crew got here. I was interviewed for about an hour and half. Everything from my diagnosis s