Rough Life

I had a real rough three days. Filled with passing out and laying lifeless in my recliner...usually with a 70lb black lab on top of me and my heated blanket. I over did it the last few weeks, I pushed myself too hard and now Im Paying for it. I always tell myself "mind over matter" I push myself through to make my life as normal as possible, I try desperately to be somewhat ok for my Joshua. Well. Crash, burn, bang. I struggle. Today while peddling my bike I realized I spent more than 8years post secondary education to be an over educated lump of mush In a recliner everyday. That makes me so sad. I should be living it up, changing the world, making students care about their lives... But here I sit. Or well currently peddle. I woke up with an awesome full body rash. Add that to my sexy list. ;) I meet with the immunologist this week, I've been waiting 4 months for this appointment so that is effing amazing. I literally have an appt everyday this week. Considering I feel like half baked death, they will probably seal my coffin. Lol I joke, but seriously I just want to feel normal again. I am still mentally soooooo motivated by the fact that my whole family came together for my video this week, but I wish desperately that I could be normal. POTS won't kill me, I've learned really well how to navigate my life so it won't. I use my wheelchairs, I wear my helmet, I am careful. But so essays I wish there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A stop point. A day I could see that would be like "no more POTS!" Sadly, that's not happening apparently. So I continue on with my painful hips, intense stomach pain and groggy consciousness. Tis life.