4 o'clock in the morning

It’s 4am.

I am wide-awake. I had a heck of a winter (I'm sure we all remember…) and I had been wearing a fentanyl patch to help with pain. It was awesome because it made my hip and bone pain ease majorly. I didn’t like being on major meds like that though and so I decided to wean myself completely off of it. I guess a lot of people never actually get themselves off of it so I should be proud…what I am is awake. I had a few weeks of awesome and my body cooperated so much, but now I’ve crashed and I have needed to sleep…a lot. That means my hips hurt, my leg muscles are leaving and my body just aches from having to be sedentary. I miss the patch mornings like this when I just simply couldn’t lay down another moment.

I can’t complain at all though. Look at Texas. Those people do not even have a home right now, and if they do, they know it is flooded and everything is ruined. Can you imagine the people in my same situation? Those that are sick and depend on others for help? I wouldn’t be able to evacuate my home on my own…my heart is with them. The elderly that cant just get in their cars and leave, the families of people in the hospitals, the patients who are homebound and must leave, my heart aches for all of them…so today dammit, I WILL NOT complain about my life. I will not worry about money. I will not get mad if my dr gives me bad news today (I’m expecting it) and dammit I WILL CHOOSE HAPPINESS.

If I were healthy I would be doing something to help Houston. I would get a boat and drive the 12 hours south. I would do something, anything…but instead I sit here at 4am watching the devastation from my chair. My bro and his family lived in Houston the last 2 years, they moved back here at the beginning of the summer…His neighborhood is flooded. He had lived in a flawless gorgeous HUGE house…and now? The new owners like most are going to have to do rehab on that damn near brand new house. Flood insurance is something extra and a lot of peoples homes do not qualify for it…can you imagine the cost?! At 4,000sq ft. that’s a lot of sheetrock to replace, flooring to take up and ohh man, what if the floodwater is sewer. GROSS. Totally GROSS.

The house in Florida is in a city that hurricane Charlie messed up in the early 2000s. The city has still not completely rebuilt. Over 15 years later and the city is still not back to where it was. This is going to be a long process and it involves MILLIONS of people. My heart hurts for those who are undocumented and that have worked hard for what they had, and now, it is gone. The American dream simply washed away.

I can’t believe it is almost September. Where did this year go?! Today, hug your loved ones, pray for Texas and send positive thoughts to those who might just need a little extra love. To me, life is about family, friends and love. If I can make one person feel loved every day then I feel like I have made an impact that day. I may not be in Houston in a boat saving those in need, but from my chair I try hard to at least be an authentic human who genuinely cares about the lives of others.

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