I think they call it HOPE.

Some days I can barely sit up. I wish I knew what a normal body felt like so I could explain to others what it feels like…to me it feels simply like the blood has drained out of my body and left me a lump of a human. I can feel my heart beating hard and fast to try to keep me upright, but, alas, I fail. The harder I push myself the worse it gets, I get nauseated, hearing or eye sight goes out and then I usually wake up on the floor. Sometimes I get what I call the oxygen shakes where my body shakes and collapses. That’s always fun. (Sarcasm.) SO- Today I am laying here on the couch, using my power wheelchair to get back and forth to the bathroom, with a helmet on because, yes, you can indeed pass out on the potty. LOL. I am so tired. I just wish I could be normal for at least a day or two so I could get a little momentum built up in life.

I almost made a trip to the Dr today and then I realized, there’s nothing they can do to help me. I am literally at a stand still until medicine catches up to me. Its this horrid existence of a pause button, just making sure I live through each day, while the world continues on past me in hopes that the next day someone somewhere will have made a big giant medical breakthrough and I will be forever fixed.

Today wasn’t that day yet though, and so I will be lying, plastered on my couch until physical therapy comes…maybe he can fix some of this pain today. Then again, maybe not.