my tank is empty.


Today is one of those days I have nothing in the reserves to pull from. I am mentally and physically exhausted and yet the last 48 hours all I’ve done is sleep. I am feeling like I just want to give up.

I had my surgery just over a week ago to remove tumors on my breast and on my thyroid. My breast has healed wonderfully and though is all black and blue and looks atrocious, actually is causing me very little pain.

My throat on the other hand is getting more and more painful by the day and apparently my vocal nerve or cord was damaged during surgery because I have not been able to talk since the surgery. I also am having a hard time getting proper breath.

So aside from passing out from my damn POTS, aside from not being able to eat and still going Anaphylactic from the Mast Cell Disease, now I cant even scream for help. I may just bite the bullet and hit up urgent care today because I just simply give up honestly. I am so sick of living a life of constant illness I cannot even put it into words. Usually I can find a positive in life, like, thank GOD my tumors were not cancerous, but today I am just at a low. I just want to give up but since Dr. Kevorkian no longer is in practice I have to find a way to keep pushing on. I am strong. I have gotten through worse in life, but man, I am so tired.

I guess urgent care is my best choice today since I literally cannot deal anymore. I cant take pain meds so that is part of my problem too…I can deal with pain usually quite well but my throat is literally getting more and more painful daily and I have a little fever so perhaps something is amiss that needs to be looked at. Who knows? With me it could be anything. LOL.


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