April 6, 2015

Sometimes you have to go through the clouds to get to the sun. 




I think that’s what I am doing right now.  My days are cloudy and filled with rain, but I MUST hold hope that someday my sunshine is coming.


I have C Diff AGAIN.  It has been a tough road but April 20th I will get my fecal transplant.  It is 90% effective and so I am hoping I am not the 10% failure rate. LOL 




This weekend was interesting.  I drove with my bestie to the Kentucky/W. Virginia/Ohio border and picked up a rescue dog with her.  I should say, I didn’t drive a damn mile…lol, SHE DROVE.  I wish I could drive.  Oye.  It was exhausting.  I calculated 37 HOURS of pure driving.  It was worth it though because the dog she rescued is wonderful.


I have been feebly managing through life.  My pacemaker keeps me from hitting the dust about 90% of the time, though I still get a pass out every now and then.  The major difference is that once I am up and walking it seems I can keep walking without issues, AS LONG AS I DON’T STOP.  Once I stop and stand still, I still get ill and also when I first stand up from sitting or laying I get ill as well. 


I am figuring out what I can and cannot do with my pacemaker and what it helps with and what it just can’t fix.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster to say the least.  I am working hard to stay positive and not get incredibly depressed.  Its hard. Honestly, I am so filled with anxiety sometimes I get a little crazy.  My best friend called me high strung and yes I suppose that’s one way to view me currently.  I am so nervous that I am going to pass out or c diff everywhere that I am a little tightly wound…which is nuts because my natural personality is so laid back.


There really isn’t anything else in life happening.  It is insane because I had originally planned this weekend to be our wedding when we first got engaged…but ALAS, I am still not able to neither walk down the aisle nor stand there…so YES, technically we are NOT married, but in our own minds that ceremony wouldn’t change a thing.  In the eyes of God I believe we are married because there is no other human on this planet that was made for me, and vice versa.  He is my everything.  I love my man and even though we will not be celebrating our love in grand style this weekend, I will make him a cupcake or something to show that he is appreciated and LOVED by me EVERYDAY. No matter if I am wheeling, walking or sitting.

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