90%

Sometimes you have to go through the clouds to get to the sun.

I think that’s what I am doing right now. My days are cloudy and filled with rain, but I MUST hold hope that someday my sunshine is coming.

I have C Diff AGAIN. It has been a tough road but April 20th I will get my fecal transplant. It is 90% effective and so I am hoping I am not the 10% failure rate. LOL

This weekend was interesting. I drove with my bestie to the Kentucky/W. Virginia/Ohio border and picked up a rescue dog with her. I should say, I didn’t drive a damn mile…lol, SHE DROVE. I wish I could drive. Oye. It was exhausting. I calculated 37 HOURS of pure driving. It was worth it though because the dog she rescued is wonderful.

I have been feebly managing through life. My pacemaker keeps me from hitting the dust about 90% of the time, though I still get a pass out every now and then. The major difference is that once I am up and walking it seems I can keep walking without issues, AS LONG AS I DON’T STOP. Once I stop and stand still, I still get ill and also when I first stand up from sitting or laying I get ill as well.

I am figuring out what I can and cannot do with my pacemaker and what it helps with and what it just can’t fix. It’s an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I am working hard to stay positive and not get incredibly depressed. Its hard. Honestly, I am so filled with anxiety sometimes I get a little crazy. My best friend called me high strung and yes I suppose that’s one way to view me currently. I am so nervous that I am going to pass out or c diff everywhere that I am a little tightly wound…which is nuts because my natural personality is so laid back.

There really isn’t anything else in life happening. It is insane because I had originally planned this weekend to be our wedding when we first got engaged…but ALAS, I am still not able to neither walk down the aisle nor stand there…so YES, technically we are NOT married, but in our own minds that ceremony wouldn’t change a thing. In the eyes of God I believe we are married because there is no other human on this planet that was made for me, and vice versa. He is my everything. I love my man and even though we will not be celebrating our love in grand style this weekend, I will make him a cupcake or something to show that he is appreciated and LOVED by me EVERYDAY. No matter if I am wheeling, walking or sitting.