The hardest part of being sick, is seeing your sickness in someone elses eyes.

I haven't blogged for a while because I've been going through some real shit. I have been really sick. I got a virus of some sort: a cold or flu or whatever it is and that has thrown my pots into a tizzy and I just feel like crap. I always tell Josh when I'm sick like this I feel like I have an alien living inside me. Literally I feel like I have no control over my body and it just does whatever it wants. SO- some good news: I met with the rheumatologist and he wanted to draw more labs before he gives me any kind of diagnosis. he thinks that perhaps what's going on in my body just all relates to my connective tissue issues and the pots. Which is amazing because the medications that they used to treat lupus and different arthritis are immuno suppressant and I already have zero immune system to fight viruses and stuff. Now for the bad news, last Friday I noticed that I had some blood coming out of my left breast. I wasn't going to really worry about it I just thought it would pass no big deal....Well it freaked Joshua out. I Made an appointment and went and saw my primary care doctor and he said NOT NORMAL and that I need to get a mammogram. So I went and I got mammogram. Right after the mammogram they said I needed to have an ultrasound of my left breast. In the ultrasound they found about a 4cm by 2cm tumor in what they think is in one of my ducts. This is good because they are usually benign and not cancerous. However- I do have to have it removed and biopsied and I meet with the breast surgeon Monday morning. So between feeling like crap from this virus, my pots going wacko, my body hurting I now also have found out I have a breast tumor. Yeah. So that's why haven't blogged. I don't think I even have my full thoughts together. A couple weeks ago I said I don't know what more I would be able to handle but God is proving me that I can indeed handle anything that is thrown at me. What I feel bad about is that my family and friends have to go through this with me. When it's happening to me I kind of feel like it's all surreal but, It is indeed reality and unfortunately they have to see it all happen and that's tough for me. I don't like to see the hurt and sadness in their eyes. So I keep on trucking. Tomorrow morning I'll learn more....


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