At my Breaking point

I am both so relieved and so annoyed at the same time. I am sooooo thankful that the vascular surgeon called to tell me that the compression of my renal vein is not causing my pain. HOWEVER,I am annoyed because that means I am still on a search for what the hell is. I am so close to giving up and just assuming this is how I am supposed to live. Ive said many times I need a new gastro doc, but seriously I am sick of doctors in general. I get the worst stabbing pain ever in my left side rib area that started after my ischemic colitis in July. I avoid certain foods and such and when it gets real bad I just breathe like a pregnant woman and pray it passes. It's funny how you mentally adjust to some things. Josh can look at my face and know when it hurts badly, but fuck, I can't do anything about it. I can't take pain meds, they make me sick, Tylenol is a joke and I can't take ibprophen or aspirin because I become like a Dalmatian, spotted in bruises. (blood clotting issues...) So, add this to the list of mystery. I hate being a complex medical case. Makes me feel crazy, seriously. Like is this in my head? Do I need a psych ward?? I don't feel crazy....usually. Lol. So I have this stupid stomach pain and my right hip is still ridiculous. Add those two things to the headaches and passing out and I am a giant mess of crabbiness lately. I feel badly about being crabby, and I know I've been less than ideal in terms of a marital partner? This makes me sad. I go to bed at about 7pm because my body literally doesn't want to stay seated anymore, I get nauseated and uncomfortable, once I'm horizontal I feel much better. Ridiculous. The. I sleep till 8am! I never get to hang out with my man. I try so hard to ignore my physical symptoms and push through to live a normal life. I am contemplating stopping all doctors. Seriously though, what have they done for me that has worked lately??? Orthopedist made my hips worse. Gastroenterologist hasn't done SHIT to help me for 6 months Neurologist and cardiologists put me on meds that tried to kill part of my colon And effing immunologist and rheumatologist have waiting lists that are effing ridiculous. Ohh and last year the allergy shots the allergist did put me into a horrible reaction. And I got a letter saying my internal med doc who handles everything is moving clinics. Great. Soooooo- I'm about ready to move to Mexico and live out my lame life in a hammock sipping juice for a coconut. (I instantly puke if I drink alcohol) Who wants to move with me....but not like Mexico City or anything cause damn that's super sad about the politicians killing the students. Yikes.


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