Its never Cancer.

So I finally have a blog.

People have been telling me to write stuff down for as long as I can remember. I guess it's hard to process my life mentally and I think maybe making it come to my fingertips will help me give me less anxiety? Stuff like that…

SO where to start? WELL, “it's not cancer” Hearing that is always good right?! I have been tested for cancer 700 times I swear and it never is cancer. They always make you think it's cancer- until the very last test…until the most specific test comes back- Then they tell me it's not cancer. At this point in life I just wish they'd say it IS cancer. That way if I would need surgery, radiology, and chemotherapy I would be healed. I am sure no one ever really thought someone would want to hear that…but instead I get told “well this is very complex” or “I've never seen this before” or my favorite “I remember reading something like this in medical school…” I always think to myself “great so you're telling me I am your first patient with this…wonderful (SARCASM.)”

I can't tell you how many MRIs, how many CT's, and how many blood tests I’ve had done and they always find something. It's always something incredibly obscure and very rare. It’s always something different in conjunction with whatever it is that they were actually looking for. I'm at the point now where I've accepted that this is my destiny and this is my fate: Being the “pretty sick” girl. Not pretty-sick, no I am REALLY SICK… I mean pretty and sick.

My fate is to struggle through life and for whatever reason it is through my journey I must educate those around me. I will teach and show people to be more compassionate and also more understanding. Hopefully people will become less judgmental. AKA I am so sick of people staring at me and my wheelchair.


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