August 5, 2019

I stopped blogging for a long time because, honestly, I was just too sick.  I have been through hell and am still fighting each and everyday to remain alive and in a positive mindset.  Life isn't easy, in the end we all die, but I try hard as heck to make sure that each day I make a positive impact in this world for as long as I can.

Things that have happened since last blog entry:

Lola passed away.  My beauty queen of 15 years died and it had a huge impact on our little family.  We are still sad, but know she is free from pain and struggle.  

I am still making t-shirts and other things via SICKPRINTZ.com and work as much as I can when I can, which somedays is very very limited and...

          It’s so easy to get upset.  It’s easy to become negative and pessimistic. It’s really easy to be sour and crabby, especially when life is painful and uncomfortable.  I think the biggest thing I have learned as I’ve aged is that these times are when you need to fall back and lean on faith.  Days that I don’t feel well or and struggling majorly I used to get upset and frustrated.  I made a change, a change of choice; I decided that on days in which I am a useless pile of human mush I would simply pray.  I don’t pray to ask to be healthy or feel well; I pray to thank God for the days in which I am able to do things myself.  I pray and remember all the blessings I do have, the people that sur...

January 16, 2018

About a year ago I had to start taking medicine to combat some diabetes bullshit. My blood sugars like to be unstable and go all over the place.  I hate being on meds…Now, I know what you’re thinking, Elle takes a ton of meds, she must be pro-medication, well NOPE I am not. In fact, all I do is try to think of new ways to not have to take a medicine anymore.  So much so, it used to drive one of my docs nuts.

            Anyways, I wanted off this damn pill that works on my blood sugars. I spoke with doctors and decided upon a strict lifestyle “diet.”  I hate the word diet.  It makes me feel like I think I am fat, while not as thin as I wish I were, I know I am NOT chunky.  It boils down to my h...

January 13, 2018

Its mid January already and I haven’t written my annual year in summary post. I guess its because it was another tough year.  I struggled, had ups and down, challenges and successes…and all in all I SURVIVED. 

            2017 all began early in January with my PICC line infection.  Then a Blood clot, from the new PICC line and as if that wasn’t sufficient in the first month I got a GIANT hematoma.  Yes, GIANT.  It covered my whole right chest; I looked a mess.  It took months to heal, and was more painful than any surgery I have ever had.  (WELL minus this damn bladder implant.)

            I laid low for months.  I coul...

August 28, 2017

It’s 4am. 

     

     I am wide-awake.  I had a heck of a winter (I'm sure we all remember…) and I had been wearing a fentanyl patch to help with pain.  It was awesome because it made my hip and bone pain ease majorly.  I didn’t like being on major meds like that though and so I decided to wean myself completely off of it.  I guess a lot of people never actually get themselves off of it so I should be proud…what I am is awake. I had a few weeks of awesome and my body cooperated so much, but now I’ve crashed and I have needed to sleep…a lot.  That means my hips hurt, my leg muscles are leaving and my body just aches from having to be sedentary. I miss the patch mornings like this when I just...

July 7, 2017

I am taking care of my parent’s house and dogs while they are out of town.  It’s the least I can do considering everything everyone always has to do for me.  Today, I was sitting on their back patio with the 4 dogs lying all around me and I decided to love my body.  I was in a Ralph Lauren bikini, rolls, scars and cellulite showing and I thought to myself, “Why have I always hated how I look?”  It’s been like that since I was little.  I was never the pretty little girl; I was just the obnoxious little sister of a genius. 

I have spent more than TWO DECADES looking in the mirror and hating who I saw.  Even if I was absolutely flawless, at the time I wasn’t happy with how I lo...

June 24, 2017

I have so many things I want to do today, but I sit here.  I grew up constantly being told that you can rest when you’re dead.  Meaning, my parents always had us doing things and if we were being lazy, it was naughty.  My brother used to yell and taunt me by saying “you don’t pick, ya don’t play” meaning if I didn’t pick up and clean up I didn’t get to go play outside.”

Flash forward to my adult life, I always had at least 2 jobs, I was a full-time teacher and then always had a second job, now that I am disabled and sick, I constantly feel guilt for just sitting still.  It’s a battle because I NEED TO SIT DOWN ALL THE TIME.

            My parents nowadays tell me to chill out a million time...

June 20, 2017

If someone were to ask me to teach a class on illness and disability, I have no idea where I would start.   I wish there was a class, a textbook, anything that prepares someone for this life. This is an intense journey.  Some days are easy to navigate through while others seem impossible. 

If I made the curriculum, I would begin the class speaking about finding self-love and understanding of whom you are and who you are becoming. It would have to be a full semester long class as there is a lot to cover and the information is overwhelming. I would end with a long unit on relationships as I think they are the hardest part of what we, chronically ill people go through. 

            I alwa...

May 15, 2017

         I slept 4 hours last night.  Typical for a night before surgery but I guess this time, I am a little nervous and it’ll be TWO nights of no sleeping.  I am worried.  I always get a little anxiety before operations but this one is just so unknown. Will it be laparoscopic?  Will I end up having to be cut wide open?

            Surgeon won’t know what he faces and how bad it is before he gets in there and sees how bad it is.  He said during our last pre-op apt last week that he will make sure to get extra sleep Monday night.  Great.  As soon as we got in the car josh said, “Well, at least he wont be going out on a bender and get crazy drunk the night befo...

April 21, 2017

     Ever stop for a second we wonder why kids are obese, why there are more autoimmune diseases, why autism is incredibly prevalent and yet people to go gaga over things like a unicorn Frappuccino. As a society we got to do better for our children. Obviously one unicorn frapp is not going to make a kid obese but I feel like we live in a unicorn Frappuccino Society. So many parents take the easy road instead of the more difficult.

      There are so many kids that have never been told no, so many children that have parents that take the easy road and are exposed to processed foods at every meal that are hormone laced antibiotic ground-up meat products. I can't help but think in my own head...

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