Sometimes as adults we humans just need the love of our mommy. It doesn’t even have to be any specific act done by her; it is just her presence, her care, her warm smile that can mean the difference between hospital and home. I am sick. When I say sick, I mean really sick. I know I am sick everyday and that the word sick is tossed around daily, but I mean I AM SICK. I got my second dose of Xolair and it has left me violently ill. I can barely walk due to muscle and joint pain; I have a fever, headache and horrific abdominal pain that I believe is my bladder. The doctors all agree that it is a reaction to the Xolair or something IN the xolair. BAD news is that it takes 2-3 MONTHS to leave my body. So, since my body cannot take pain medicine I’m left with one choice, deal with it. I should say, I can take dilauded but it makes me feel crumbier, so I take it VERY SPARINGLY.
I spent the weekend at mommy and daddy’s house and I am telling you it is just what I needed. There is no specific thing they did or had that helped; it’s just their presence. I am so BLESSED to have such an amazing support system. The fact that they both are in the medical field has helped me so many days and nights I cannot even count. I am so lucky that they live close enough to have me over and that their house has a bedroom for me in it. I love them so much and am so grateful for everything they do for me, I am really, really lucky.
I am also lucky that my PCA can be someone I know. I remember when we had someone I didn’t know coming in and helping me bathe and it was so weird…I couldn’t keep coming up with non awkward conversations to have while they helped me. Its like, “ohh, hey here I am a grown adult but you need to help me do this” that sucks. I’m lucky we have someone we know to help. Its way less weird.
I want so badly to go swimming tonight but my body just wont let me. So, alas I will lay here in this bed, praying that these steroids work quickly. Also, hoping I don’t get F A T. LOL. Silly isn’t it? My body doesn’t work at all and I am still worried about being chubby. LOL. Society has messed my brain up. Poor women of the world. We are so brainwashed into thinking our happiness and healthiness is connected to our body weight.
My body sucks, not because I have cellulite, but because dammit IT DOESN’T WORK. LOL. So if you have a body that works, be happy no matter what shape it is. I love my mommy so much and she is so beautiful, I just wish she could see that her body is beautiful no matter if she is stick thin or a chunker. My mommy is a skinny mini and she needs not worry about it, but she does.
So that’s what’s on my mind. I am thankful for my family, friends and the fact that I have a body. Whether it works or not, who knows…