...he died. Now what do I do. SELFISH.

He died.

For the last 2 years I have followed closely a friend from elementary school and his battle with terminal cancer. He comforted me by simply fighting each day against the cancer that last week took his life. He was my inspiration to get up and do something each day. He would only write and chat every so often but he was full of life. After his diagnosis he continued to LIVE his life and I was jealous of him. I too wanted to do the things he was able to, I wanted to play soccer again, and I wanted to have a son and family. I wanted to drive myself to my appointments. But, then, he died. I sound crazy saying I am jealous of someone with terminal cancer. I hope I can simply properly express that I was jealous of the way he continued to LIVE despite knowing his death was sooner than later.

Today I am having one of those days where I sit and I think about life and what it truly is. To me, life is the battle we must endure before reaching eternal comfort and happiness. Even on days I am feeling my best, I still don’t feel great. Neither did he. That didn’t stop him from continuing to live life and always choosing the option that wasn’t the easiest but that would let him continue to be himself as long as possible.

He fought two hard years and yet it seems like just yesterday he became my motivation. Each doctor appointment and test I have gone through in the last 2 years I thought of him and everything he had to do. I told myself that I must make the most of it. So, I did. Now, what do I do?

It’s selfish to even think like this, and I know it. We were not close friends by any stretch of life, but he impacted my journey here on earth immensely. For the last 3 days I have been incredibly ill, my usual issues. I wanted so badly to log onto the computer and see an update about chemo, or his wife and son, mayo clinic, bone pain, but there has been more more updates since his death.

I don’t know what God wants me to do with my life here on earth but I do know that He keeps waking me up every morning for some purpose. For a long time I expect that I will still draw from my friend’s strength in battling his cancer and pray for his wife and son. I don’t know why I don’t die, admitting or saying that is morbid, I know, I just don’t understand how someone can keep on living day after day the way I do. It’s got to be God.

I sit here reading all the amazing things people have written on his websites and I think to myself, I should have stopped breathing long ago or died from hitting my head…but, I haven’t and so, for the kid who always had the buzz cut and wore his rec t-shirts daily to school, I WILL push on. I will remember that the misery I deal with here on earth will be gone some day. Time spent here on earth is a simple moment in forever and we must LIVE so that we can be eternally pain and illness free.

Its funny how someone you haven’t seen in 25 years can make such a huge impact on your life. I guess that’s technology; it has changed many aspects of our lives. Thank you to Mikey O. for being such an amazing inspiration and my motivation to stay positive and keep pushing through. We each live a life filled with some sort of battle and it is up to us each individually to make the most out of this moment we spend here on earth.

We all have been chosen to wake one more day and it is up to us to figure out what God wants us to do with that gift.