Yesterday was a big day around here.
I was literally moving all day long. I woke up at 5am, wide awake. I cleaned the house, polished the floors, even cleaned the upholstery, and made 3 desserts. By 3pm I had set out 4 different dips, 3 types of chips, 2 types of crackers and sent the dogs across the street.
The doggies hadn’t even settled in across the street by the time the film crew got here. I was interviewed for about an hour and half. Everything from my diagnosis story to my hopes and fears was covered. I laughed and tried to be a happy positive energy but I did of corse cry.
She asked me what my biggest fear is…and I couldn’t help but say it. My biggest fear is that one day Josh … I can’t even type it. I cry thinking about it.
After they interrogated me they did a quick interview with Joshua, he was incredibly hesitant to even appear on camera but he did a great job. Josh’s mom was here and I think that helped majorly. He would have never done it had she not been. But he did it, and professed his deep love for me and my flawlessness ;) ok, maybe not quite…but close.
My parents came and my Mom was interviewed in depth and it was interesting to hear her side of my life and how it has impacted her. I cried. Again. She was a natural on camera! She did so well it was amazing to watch.
The crew then filmed us all hanging out and chatting.
It was an amazing evening. I have never felt so supported and loved in my life. That experience no one can put into words. It was so amazing to watch people step out of their comfort zones to support me. I know that I am ridiculously unlucky in terms of health, but man, I am one of the luckiest people on planet earth- I am so loved.
I think that last night was one of those moments in life when everything feels complete and worthwhile. I am sure new parents get the same feeling when they give birth to a new child…I will never know, but the love I felt last night was so powerful and intense it gave me strength to keep on fighting.
I can’t wait to see the video, it will forever remind me of last night and how much love and support I have. I don’t care if I am drooling, my makeup is hideous and I have a giant booger in my nose the entire thing- the video will be outstanding.
Love is healing. Emotionally I am strong … just wish I felt better now physically…
Because I did so much yesterday my body is in what I call “reboot mode.” It is functioning in a half dead state today. I couldn’t even finish my physical therapy today, I only did 30 minutes. Lame I know, but my body just won’t work. I stand up and I get oxygen deprived and I get what I call a walking seizure, I black out and shake a bit and then I quick squat and bend before I pass out. I have passed out twice so far today, seemingly haven’t hit my head though so that’s good. It’s a wheelchair day to say the least.
We got the electric chair back in the house this week which is awesome. I am still waiting on my ramp…its been a year now. Literally a year since they said they were going to come and install a ramp for me. BUT they have not, so Joshua has to life my crazy heavy chair in and out. It limits what I can do when I don’t have him here too. I can’t roll down to the store or anything because I can’t get out of the damn house. Not like on days like today I would anyways, but I’d like to at least think it were possible.
Days like today I also think about what if I had an emergency, I’d be screwed.
Fight or Flight, nope I just pass out. LOL. I now sit in my recliner thinking back to last night and how amnazing it was to be supported by so much love. smiling.