March 27, 2016

I get scared.  Can I admit that?  When things happen for the first time, I get scared.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I was sitting talking to my dad on the phone and my bottom lip began to go numb.  By noon my whole left side of my face was numb and tingling and so was my left forearm and pointer finger. My mom assured me I would be fine but it seriously is one of the most annoying medical things that have happened to me thus far.  It feels like I went to the dentist and he injected my face with nova Caine and its wearing off.


The nurse care line said is a sign of a stroke and that I should call 911.  I don’t call 911. Lol. So Joshua drove me to hospital. 8 hours later...

March 26, 2016

Painsomnia is a real bitch.  I used to be able to wake up and take some pain meds and eventually fall back asleep…not so much anymore.  I can’t take meds…so grrr, I’ve been awake since 4am.  It’s ok…gave me time to think to myself about a lot of things.  (As if I don’t have enough time alone to do that during the day??!  HA HA)


Yesterday when my county social worker came by (they do a periodic check to make sure I am not being abused is my assumption) She was new and asked me a bunch of questions getting to know me.  She asked me about my highest level of education and I almost cried. LOL 


I am a baby.  I know.  But when I get to talking about how much of a life I used to h...

March 16, 2016


Man, being sick sucks sometimes. Ok, all the time. Usually I can make the most out of what I am given but today I am just in a slump.  I hate that I am completely dependent upon others.  I hate that I can’t just jump in the car and get the finishing pieces I need for my brothers birthday present.  I hate that I can’t hop on a plane by myself for the weekend and surprise my bro and his family. I am not “normal” and it really bothers me.


Joshua’s aunt is going to start taking some of my PCA hours so that Josh can get a break sometimes and so that someone is with me when he is not here.  She should start next week, which left yesterday open and me alone.  Due to my anaphylaxis and loss of c...

March 8, 2016


Dear Life,



I am going to be real honest and quite frank with you.  You think you’re funny, but you’re not.  Giving me POTS and making me pass out almost every time I stand up was quite enough but mixing that with having to run to the bathroom to prevent accidents is just too much.  Losing consciousness multiple times a day is sufficient chaos you didn’t need to add in the Mast Cell Disease and make me go anaphylactic constantly. Trust me when I say I appreciate the fact that my limited diet keeps me from being an obese ogre due to sitting and laying down all day, but, breathing is really my friend, so I’d love it if I could do more of it, freely.  While I have your attention, I’d also like to men...

March 4, 2016

He died.

For the last 2 years I have followed closely a friend from elementary school and his battle with terminal cancer. He comforted me by simply fighting each day against the cancer that last week took his life. He was my inspiration to get up and do something each day.  He would only write and chat every so often but he was full of life.  After his diagnosis he continued to LIVE his life and I was jealous of him.  I too wanted to do the things he was able to, I wanted to play soccer again, and I wanted to have a son and family.  I wanted to drive myself to my appointments. But, then, he died.  I sound crazy saying I am jealous of someone with terminal cancer.  I hope I can simply properly expre...

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