My pacemaker is healing nicely. It has been a weird journey…I have passed out a total of 4 times since the install. It gives me more of a warning when I do pass out and it allows me to get to the ground. I have had a few days that I call “POTSY” in which I just don’t feel right and almost that feeling of when you haven’t slept in a long time and are coming down with some sort of illness, but it’s just my POTS. I am used to it nowadays. I can figure out what is my normal and what is not. I did call the cardiologist last week because my pacemaker was burning and feeling as if it was trying to get out of my skin…but, all is well. I think I just had used my left arm more than I was supposed to. Oops. Great news is that my wheelchair ramp should be coming in soon…because I still blackout when I stand it looks like I will still be in a wheelchair…I can’t afford another concussion. UGH. That’s sucks, but BUZZ is doing a great job…he hasn’t solved all my issues but he has done a great job. He is still giving me hope which is way more than I had last month. I totally fell off the wagon. I am back drinking diet soda as if I never stopped. Man that’s so hard. It tastes soooo good to me. I hate the taste of the regular soda and my body CRAVES the deliciousness of the diet soda. Ohh well, someday I will stop for good, but not today as I stare at my 20 ounce. LOL. I was rocking my gray hairs for a long time, they looked fine in my opinion but they drove Joshua nuts and so, I dyed my hair. It looks alright. I just hate that I am going to have to dye my hair forever because I went gray so early in life. O well. There are bigger issues in the world right? Big news, today we are going to try to go grocery shopping. Whoo hoo. I am starving, The one thing the pacemaker does is allows me to eat like a normal human being, which is horrible because I eat…and eat…LOL. I used to get nauseated when I’d eat, and now I don’t…so I over eat…a lot. I have to be aware of how much I consume for one of the first times EVER.

March 18, 2015

 

 

 

March 10, 2015

 

 

 

Life is funny.  I have gone through so much in my last 15 years…I guess we all do.  No one life is lived the same, and that is insane to me considering how many million people are on this earth…my question in my head is always “is there someone in India or china dealing with the same bullshit I do?” LOL, josh always talks about aliens, maybe there is some alien out there living a parallel life. 

 

A girl who had my same issues killed herself last week.  She was a freshman in college, incredibly put together and just simply sick…I immediately flashed back to my undergraduate days…they were tough

 

I think the toughest part was that I was in complete denial that I was sick.  I refused to...

March 3, 2015

I used to be embarrassed by some of the life choices I made as an early adult. After I had my tumor removed I was a little reckless. Not crazy, no, but definitely did some things I wouldn't now. I watched the bachelor (as always) and one of the girls was shameful because she posed for playboy. I used to have some of those same feelings of shame...why!? As a society we are two faced. We promote liberation and freedom and then when people are free in ways we all don't see agreeable we shame them. I was shamed. I was majorly shamed my first year teaching. I remember one person called the school asking how someone like me could teach students. Well, dammit I was an EXCELLENT educator and while some...

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